Indicative Clutter

(1,2,3) Three bags sit outside of my master bathroom.  All are filled with clothes that I plan on donating to the Good Will.  I know... a very philanthropic gesture; one that I believe firmly in. 

It's a problem, however, when they have been sitting there for over 4 months, serving absolutely no purpose... collecting dust-balls and hair.  Ew!!

I mean, seriously?  What the heck is wrong with me?  I spent so much time raking through my closets and drawers, pulling out all that I knew I would never (or should never) wear again, bagging up my charity... and yet I can't bring myself to put them in my car and drive them to a donation box.  Slappity, slap-slap, Meghan!  Get it together, sister!

Here's the good news: That is all about to change!

I am one of the lucky ones that have off the entire week after Christmas.  This brings me almost as much joy as the holiday itself (okay, maybe more). 

So I will be using this healthy chunk of time to do the following:

* I will be adding (hopefully) another 3-4 bags of donated clothes to the previously mentioned bags.  This is in addition to the 3-4 bags of Liam and Bren's clothes that I am handing down and/or donating.  How do clothes accumulate so fast?  And why SO MUCH!  Why do I need 15 pairs of sweats.  I wear the same damn pair every night anyway. *

* I will also be re-organizing the dreaded basement storage area.  When we moved into this place, we just threw all of our unused junk in the basement/laundry room.  It looks like crap.  AND some of it, we don't.even.need!  Again, serving NO purpose in our house or in our lives.   To Good Will with you, dust collectors!  Go make someone else happy! *

* Cleaning is a top priority of mine.  I like to keep the house "tidy," which essentially means that I straighten-up often (pillows in the right place, tables wiped, etc).  But a thorough cleaning is necessary at this point, especially since I have the time to do it. *

* Thank you cards.  Enough said. *

* Consolidate my recipe collection.  Not only do I have my very own favorite recipes that I will never ever let go of, but I have gathered so many recipes from some awesome blogs: (She's amazing... check her out.  These two ladies rock it out.  And her posts make me drool.)  With all the inspiration, and all the ideas, I have my work cut out for me. *

* I'm also going to craft during the break.  This is another inspired hobby that I plan on exploring!  And I'm really excited about it!!!  I plan on documenting my steps during some of my adventures, and starting to post DIY's.  So many awesome DIY blogs out there, and I want to jump on that bandwagon!  I have pointed her out before, and she is relevant here too.  Total genius! *

* Lastly, and most importantly, I plan on spending every bit of my time with my sidekick, Liam!  It's been a while since we had a solid few days off together.  I'm looking forward to all the kisses and hugs and high-fives that will surely fill up our days.  He's amazing! *  

* I REALLY REALLY wish my hub was going to have this time off with us, but alas, he will be slaving away in corporate America.  Yay, Capitalism!  I miss him, dearly. *

All of this adds up to something.  Something bigger than getting rid of clothes and arranging my recipe cards ever-so methodically.  All of this is in an effort to de-clutter my life.  Clutter is so symptomatic.  It is the result of stress- a visual reminder/representation of anxiety.  And it's time to change all of that.  It's time to return to peace. 

Rosie

Tell them we love them- deliver the message

as only you could, Dear Soul.

They have been waiting to see you... and

you're a hard one to miss.

Give her a kiss for me, and tell her it's been too long.

I've longed for her ever since.

The same goes for him. 

I'm connected to you, always-

you precious woman, you.

I'll carry on your sweetness.

I'll try to live up to your

organic kindness.

I'll look for your smile where I stand

And your hand where I fall.

I'll look for your open arms

upon my homecoming.

Until then, know this:

I love you, beautiful Rosemary.

On my mind this Monday

My hub is on my mind today, like most days.  I hope to get a second to tell him how much he means to me.  I try to tell him everyday, in one way or another.  A text, a kiss, a hug... an actual "thank you."  I feel a date night brewing.  Date nights are SO important for any couple, but especially a mom/dad couple.  Nights away from the babe are critical in order to plug some romance, some spontaneity back into the connection.  What if, just for tonight, we weren't co-parents? We were co-people? You be a man. I'll be a woman. That's all.

My boy is ALWAYS on my mind, but especially recently.  The poor thing is going through a awful phase right now... I think they call it the 'terrible two's.'  There has been no hitting or kicking.  No throwing or spitting.  No screaming or tantrums.  None of the things {I thought} were classified under the term 'terrible two's.'  Instead, Bubba is an emotional wreck.  He has always been a VERY sensitive child (much like I was and am ;)), but lately, all he wants to/can do is cry.  And it has me totally lost/heartbroken, frustrated/drained.  I suppose this is a natural thing for both child and parent.  It's a test of the relationship, and it will only increase understanding and togetherness (at least that is my hope).  But in the midst of it, I'm feeling overwhelmed.  I turned to my wonderful mom, Karen, for support, and she simply told me: "Just love him."

Yeah.... she's pretty great!

School!  I came into work today to find out that I Aced this semester to the tune of a 3.85 GPA.  Good enough (I think) to keep me on the Dean's List.  And so, yeah, this makes me happy.  Being an almost 30 something with a husband and kid at home (I would say family, but husband and kid sounds a little more daunting, doesn't it?!), it has not been easy to keep up with my degree.  But I am working off of sheer will-power here, people.  Pure gusto.  Earning my degree falls in line right below my family on my list of priorities.  Sorry work, you didn't make the cut... even though I need you.  Okay, so I'll give work #3 on my list of importance/daily attention...

Finally, and last but NOT least, my Aunt Rosie, who is my Great Aunt (both generationally and complimentary) is heavy on my mind and in my heart. She has been in a nursing home for 5-or-so-years now, and had a stroke last week.  This was not her first stroke, but thankfully, it will be her last.  Her closest family members (my Great Uncle Lloyd and her sons, Larry and Irvin) decided to take her off meds, oxygen, and food, and simply let her pass.  She made it clear that this is what she wanted.  She has said for years now that she was "ready to go," but her body just wouldn't give up on her.  I was able to see her yesterday.  I was able to tell her how much I love her, how much she has always meant and will always mean to me, and I was able to kiss her goodbye.  I'm so thankful for that opportunity.  And I am begging the powers-that-be to take her peacefully, gently and soon.

It is so important to stay close to those special people in your life.  To tell those whom bring you joy just that; that they make you happy.  It is important to live in love rather than try to impose your love upon others.  Let the way in which you carry yourself speak louder than words ever could.  And lastly, look in the mirror and get to know yourself.  It begins and ends with you....

Someone's Coming

Little girl- huddled-

Hugging herself tight.

Waiting for someone to tell her

Everything’s alright.

Keeping her eyes open,

Staring at the light

Under the doorway.

All alone, in silence

She fears the worst;

She has been forgotten.

She did not come first.

She wipes her own tears now.

She believes she is a curse

In an ugly world.

So she stays in her bedroom, crying quietly.

She spins ‘round and ‘round.

Looking for solace in old pictures-

But there is nothing to be found.

A pile of wrecked memories

Scattered about the ground.
So quiet,            she gasps

At the sound
Of footsteps.

Someone's coming...

** This poem was recently published in George Mason University's literary magazine, Volition (2011)

Holiday Spirit

It's been about, oh, six years or so since I have participated in a holiday decorating ceremony/ritual/party/job (all of the above). 

When I was little, I remember being so excited to adorn the house in Christmas apparel. Karen (my mom) would pull out her absurdly large collection of Christmas decor, and she would lay it all out on the family room floor for my brother and I to admire.

Let's get one thing straight here... this was no ordinary stockpile.  Over the years, Karen had built up an impressive assortment of any and all types of festive doodads.

And I'll be damned if I wasn't ready to Christmafy every nook and cranny of that house.  Once those ornaments and doohickeys were splayed out in front of me, it was game on.  This was SERIOUS.

My brother Mike and I would scamper around the house embellishing window sills, end tables, bookshelves, televisions, counter tops, railings, bathrooms, bedrooms, porches, door knobs, tissue boxes (yes!).  You see, Karen had a "thing" with Christmas.  She still does.... 

...and consequently, so do I.  Though I didn't realize it until recently, when it was time to orchestrate my own holiday decorating extravaganza, I have inherited my mom's Christmas cheer.

We put up our first Whitfield tree a couple of weekends back.  It is just the perfect piece of eye candy to get me in the holiday spirit.  Scott (my dad) and Bren (my hub) put the tree up and strung the lights.  Karen (momma) and Liam (my baby boy) helped hang bulbs and ornaments and bows.  And before I knew it, it was brightening everything around me, inside of me, through me.  I had forgotten... just how much significance decorating carried.  How much the decorations meant.  And most of all, how much I absolutely love sharing the process with my family.

Mom--- Thank you for passing on your holiday enthusiasm to me.  I love you, and your crazy obsession with tissue box covers!

 

What Matters

Time- spent with my husband and my son; spent with my family and friends; spent in solitude and silence.

Space- for Liam to grow and play and dance and create; for Brendon and I to connect and count our blessings; for the newness we have yet to uncover.

Blankets- to cuddle in; to keep warm; to build forts and castles; to dream.

Pictures- to take; to reflect; to commemorate; to remember; to pass on.

Water- to stay healthy and hydrated; to take bubble baths; to rejuvenate; to splash and swim... and float.

To stay involved and engaged with those whom I love, admire and appreciate.

To read; to learn; to generate; to keep moving; to teach.

To pay it forward; to listen and advise; to smile and frown; to laugh and cry.

To keep my heart and ears open and my shoulder available, free of charge.

To ask for help when I need it; to teach Liam to do the same.

To lead by example and follow graciously.

To put love and kindness in the fore-front of my daily motives.

To love my husband, and allow him to treat me well.

To hug my father.

To honor my mom and my dad by being the best version of myself that I can possibly be.

To accept myself; to lower my expectations.

To be gentle.

Love

What is it about me that is
so bad, so terrible,
so unbearable,
that you would so suddenly
and easily
dismiss me?

What is it about my weaknesses
that make my strengths forgettable?
How can you possibly see me
for only my negative qualities?
Especially you.

I am a mix of good and bad…
just like every other person
living and breathing
on this earth.

When I am bad, I am very very bad,
but when I am good, I am lovely.
Does that not count for any
part of my character?

What do I have to be for you to love me?
Perfect?
What do I have to do for you to be able to handle me?
Shut up?

There you are… pointing your finger at me.

Do you think you’re flawless?
Do you think that I don’t have my own grievances
about you?

I promise you, I do.
But I love you.
I love you for the whole package-
flaws and all.

So in the end,
I realize...
This IS about love

(or at least it should be).